ReichLove

Shrek[edit]

• [To Rumpelstiltskin] You took the day I was born.
• [to Donkey] There's a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest! Don't you find that a wee bit suspicious? You're gonna, what are you– Bad Donkey! Musn't! I said don't Don't! No! Get away from it! [Donkey licks syrup] You did.
• Okay, I know you don't remember me, but– we're married. Now, hear me out. And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, and this boy kept saying "Do the roar, do the roar!". Then I punched the cake that the little pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole. [Cricket chirping] Right? Who's with me?
• I know everything about you. I know you sing so beautifully that birds explode. I know that when you sign your name, you put a heart over the "i". I know that when you see a shooting star, you cross your fingers on both hands, squinch up your nose– and you make a wish. I know that you don't like the covers wrapped around your feet, and I know that you sleep by candlelight because every time you close your eyes– you're afraid you're going to wake up back in that tower– But mostly importantly, Fiona– I know that the reason that you turn human every day– is because you've never been kissed– well– by me.
• I used to be an ogre. Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!
• [To Fiona] Look– all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me and I could take a mud bath in peace, when I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it, back when the world made sense! [Fiona: You mean, back before you rescued me from the Dragon's keep?] Exactly!
• [After seeing pictures of Fiona on a WANTED sign and his home desolated] All right, Rumpel! This wasn't part of the deal! [Rumpelstiltskin doesn't appear] RUMPEL!!!
• [To Donkey after finding the handkerchief Fiona kept] This is the favor Fiona was supposed to give me on the day we met. It's a symbol of our love.
• [Remembering Fiona's curse] "By day one way, by night another / This shall be the norm / Until you find true love's first kiss / And then take love's true form."
• [To Fiona; while disappearing since his "day" is almost over] You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.
• RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
• Happy birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And Felicia, sweetheart. I believe this is your heart.
• [After witnessing the ogres making trumpet noises with their ears.] I didn't know we could do that.

Donkey[edit]

• Help! Help! I'm being kidnapped by a deranged, unbalanced ogre!
• I'm being ass-napped!
• Please eat my face last and send my hooves to my momma!
• Are my kids cute or do they make people uncomfortable?
• Quiet, ogre! You're gonna get me in trouble and I need this job. I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald! Tell me to "E-I-E-I-O". "E-I-E-I-No!" That's what I said.
• [After seeing a plate of waffles, being used as bait] Yeah! Waffles, and I thought the Waffle-Fairy was just a bedtime story.
• Let go of me! I have got to save Shrek!

Fiona[edit]

• Shrek, you have 3 beautiful children– a wife who loves you– friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that– is you?
• [After witnessing Shrek and the kids making trumpet noises with their ears.] I didn't know we could do that.

Puss[edit]

• Feed me– if you dare.
• [After descending down the rope] –in Boots!

Rumpelstiltskin[edit]

• Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess. by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.
• No one would have guessed that an ogre named Shrek, whose roar was feared throughout the land, would save the beautiful Princess Fiona. True love's kiss led to marriage and ogre babies! The kingdom of Far Far Away was finally at peace. Goody for them! And they lived happily– ever– after!
• Happy Ogre Day!
• Light your torches, sharpen your pitchforks and get– your– mob on!
• "By night one way, by day another." Blar-di-blar-di-blar!
• Nobody's smart but me!
• Get them, witches!
• You know, actually, not a bad idea.
• I wish that ogre– was never born!
• Looks like you got exactly what you wanted!!!

Pinocchio[edit]

• Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!

Dialogue[edit]Shrek/Donkey: [Singing] ♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.
All you've got to do is call.
And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend. ♪

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[As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]Pinocchio: Uh– sir, you're gonna have to pay for that.Rumpelstiltskin: Uh– M-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?Pinocchio: Oh, I'm not a real boy.Rumpelstiltskin: [Looking devious] Do you wanna be?[Cut to Pinocchio kicking him out]Pinocchio: Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!Rumpelstiltskin: [Coughs as he gets up, then picks up the ripped-out page] I wish that ogre was never born!

---

Rumpelstiltskin: You gave me a day from your past. A day you wouldn't even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [Starts humming Happy Birthday to You]Shrek: You took the day I was born.Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek, you gave it to me.

---

Puss: Come on, Donkey, ¡Vamonos!Donkey: Man, you are a 'cat-tastrophe'.Puss: And you, are 'ri-donkey-lous'.[Both laugh]

---

Donkey: ♪ Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
'Til there's none
When I'm stuck with the day, that's grey, and lonely.Shrek [Awakens to hear Donkey singing outside the cage wagon] Donkey, stop with the singing, will you?Donkey: ♪ I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say– ♪Shrek: Donkey! [Getting up, he bumps his head] Ow!Donkey: ♪ Oh, the sun will come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on until tomorrow
Come with me– tomorrow! Tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow! ♪Shrek: Donkey, where am I? What's happening?Onboard Witch: Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song. [She pulls out a whip, whipping Donkey, stopping him for a second, then he resumes]Donkey: ♪ But I made up my mind. Oh–
I'm keepin' my baby. Ooh– ♪Driver Witch: Uh, I'm driving, so– [She takes the whip] –I'm in charge of the music. [She whips him]

 

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